Have you ever seen a small baby startle? Their whole body is involved, with arms and legs flailing wildly, looking like they can almost jump straight up off the table. Well, yesterday, I looked like that, and it was a very upsetting episode.
I’ve always been easily startled, so up until recently, I had not made the connection with my increased jumpiness and my PD. I’ve been attributing it to my insomnia. After reading about other PWP on the ParkinsonLikeMe site, I’ve come to realize that this phenomena is a fairly common PD symptom.
We were just finishing up eating at our favorite Mexican restaurant, when the people behind us must have been celebrating someone’s birthday. Without any warning to me, because I had my back to them, the waiters had gathered at their booth and started singing loudly in Spanish. I jumped out of my skin. My heart was racing, and it was all I could do to hold the tears long enough to get out of there. Poor hubby was so angry that he all but threw the money for our meal at them, and he vowed we would never come in there again.
I was so upset, partly from still feeling the effects of such a powerful reaction, but also with myself, because I had reacted that way at all. I couldn’t stop the tears, and remained very depressed the rest of the day. It completely spoiled our day out, and that’s a shame. I can feel the tears welling up, even now as I write about it. Such a simple thing, but it really drove home just how much I have changed.
I read other’s stories, like Dan’s that I posted about today, and I’m ashamed of myself for being depressed over my little problems. But that only makes the depression worse. I can only pray for strength and make myself get up and do … do something … do anything… and not wallow.